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In the ongoing session in life, I tend to to wonder how people’s relationship change. The uncertainty that surrounds our daily lives as we progress or irrevocably digress. I often ask myself is it worth the hassle chasing the finish line that keeps getting blurry. My life has been filled with ups, downs, sadness, happiness and broken hearts. People look at each other for the solemn  answers through relationships either parenthood, romance, siblings or friendship.  The oft despair that I feel sometimes waking up and feeling lonely. Boy! Do I miss the good ole’ times. At  my age, I can only define life has a triple edge sword; the good bad and the ugly.

Growing up I often laughed at the movies depicting that sits home crying or sad over a break up. Unfortunately, I felt the ultimate breakup where you feel your heartbeat at every step, can stop thinking about what should have or have not been and the occasional reminiscing. Am I new to this feeling? Yes. Is it stupid? Yes. Does it hurt? Yes. Am I going to recover? Yes, well maybe. I miss being in a relationship, I miss sharing my heart with someone and I felt complete with her. Relationships has two endings either resentment or enough love to tolerate one another. I hate the constant back and forth..Do I love her? Do i hate her?….Maybe I hate her or I don’t. I cant throw away memorabilia that consummated our failed love for each other….by far very annoying. I hate the phone checking to hear something from her  Perfect romances does not exist but a “comprising, respectful and  tolerant romance exist wrapped with love” is the true definition of long-lasting relationship, every other feelings are secondary to this definition.

But I have stand strong, refocus and rededicate my life to what’s important. And what is important,? you may ask. God, family and friends that matter. Do I want her back? Yes….Will I try to get her back? Yes……Will I get her back? God willing and Are I still in love with her? Time will tell. IF I DON’T GET HER BACK , well I tried, I will just back my bags and head away…Truthfully I hate this longing..I hope this feeling is reciprocal..Is this a cry for help? Nope just an outlet…